Nacho friends and Zappos Family Core Value #10

People! Ugh! Sometimes I just cant stand them. Including myself( because I am one of them.)
Alot of people have hurt me, alot of people have "left" me. To be honest, sometimes I cant blame them. I am not always easy to be friends with.
I over think, I over analyze... & Unless I tell someone what I'm thinking, there is no point in me thinking it, right?
Maybe those are the reasons... or maybe its because I am a bit unpolished, and prefer being comfortable over being impressive; maybe its because sometimes I can be socially awkward and a bit too lame (in deed and in appearance) that people find me un-loveable. Maybe it's because I've been close to out of my mind in a thyroid storm, or because I cant seem to make the right decisions (or any decisions at all) , or do the right things, that people back away and maybe even work at avoiding me.
I can go on and on...and on.

Maybe its all of these things, - or none of them.

I have a long list of things that are wrong with me. I have a few (read: very few!) friends that have seen parts of me from this list,have stuck around and still believe in my other list (the things that are right about me.) God bless them (really God, I am asking you to Bless them.. : ) for that!

But, my mind still goes to the ones who have for one reason or another have rejected me, or turned their back on me. Those are my nacho friends.
The short you-tube version of an old joke runs through my mind.
"I dont like you" one says.
"Why?, cant we taco bout it?" the other one says.
"No, I'm nacho friend..."

Its a lot more funny after a few glasses of wine- I promise.

In some instances, I can point out every aspect of where they are wrong. There is always a nice unhealthy solice in that.
In other instances, I just have to accept that there was a disconnect, and I cant blame the other person for that. Even in those instances my natural instinct is to charge right in and "fix" whatever is wrong- I can turn it around, I can make them like me. I'll turn on the charm, show them I have been reformed!, work and work hard at measuring up to their expectations.

Oh, but I cant do that anymore either.

With a deep sign, and some heartfelt regret I have to acknowledge and accept Zappos Family Core Value #10.

That was starring me in the face this afternoon as I ruminated over all this and kicked my shoes into the closet.
It's a nice reminder and very true ; ).
Humbly accept who you are, entrust yourself to God and He will lift you up.

"This time, it's personal..."

If anyone was around when Jaws XX.L came out (slight exaggeration) you may remember the tag line "This time,it's personal..." Yep, in the late 80's people flocked (OK, another exaggeration.. ) to the cinema to see a shark get it's revenge on the people who hunted Great Whites.
What can I say, it was getting to be a slow decade...
The tag line, and even the premise of an emotionally oblivious shark taking measures to intentionally terrorize humans, seems fitting for this post.
Because really- this post is both more personal (that's my typical default by the way), and has to do with the absurdity of our perceptions that the world is out to get us, or at least doesn't like us.
You may never have felt that way, but I'm going to posit that it is a fairly common feeling/belief. Whether it is momentary or a more lasting perception there is something in us that can be swayed to believe that the shark is out to get us, personally. That a persons lack of a smile, or disapproving look or a bad mood was directed at you; and if you're like me, you are left with the task of trying to figure out what you had done and to then try to make yourself better to be better accepted.
It's a hurtful, exhausting experience. It's a dozen times worse when you are really hoping for that persons approval.
It just sucks.
And the truth is I don't have an answer to fix it. My guess is that the answer lies more in learning how to swim with sharks (not to steal another Hollywood reference) than in defeating or changing the sharks. I have to learn how to live among the things that have teeth and can hurt me, but live among them in such a way that they don't rule over me. In the immortal words of Dori (NEMO, folks- Nemo!) "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...."

At the moment, what that practically looks like for me is this,

Don't be jealous of my snazzy fabric covered shoe box, now...

What you are seeing is my first deposit of the year for a 52 week savings plan that will finance my "big adventure"...a four day hiking trek to Havasu Falls in the Grand Canyon. A great reminder that there is soo much more to life.